I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
tell me about the eggs
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
