oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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