is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize