Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
