good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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