Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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