My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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