dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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