11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
