I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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