Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize