Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
