You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
