every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
