I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
