Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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