he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
