I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
