This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
