I accidentally had phone sex last night
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
