I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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