I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she told me i tasted like america
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
