it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
