careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
