literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
