I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
