her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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