I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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