I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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