don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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