I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
