I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
