I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize