He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
