So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
