I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
