it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
