So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Everything about him screamed your future.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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