Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
