im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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