Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize