suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
