Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
