Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
