So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
