I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
