He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
