Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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