I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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