I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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