all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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