I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
