he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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