yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
