there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
