we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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