I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize