I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
