If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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