"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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