At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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