just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize