wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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