I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
