there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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